drowning
i stand.
i stand still.
i stand silent.
here.
alone.
by myself.
still and silent looking at you.
from afar.
from here.
from where i belong.
i stare.
in secret.
in solitude.
at you.
but not too long.
i dare not look too long.
for i know
- as sure as i am
that you’ll never look back
nor maybe even glance
at me
the same way
i do
look at you -
i know
that i will drown.
not too long.
no.
i can’t.
i shouldn’t.
i hope.
for i will drown.
down.
down.
down.
i drown.
and sink.
and die.
with the sight of you.
i whisper.
so you won’t hear
so you won’t know
of me.
and what i think
of you.
and what i feel
for you.
you
who do not hear
a word
a prayer
a song
i hum
to myself.
only to myself.
not to you.
even if it’s for you.
you
do not
should not
hear my whispers.
i smile.
i wear a smile.
a smile
that hides the tears
i cry inside.
i cry inside
this mask.
this mask of laughter.
this mask of laughter drowns
the sighs and screams
and sorrow
i keep beneath
the lies.
i make. i live. i lie.
i live a lie.
the truth
is mine.
only mine.
to hide.
to bear.
to suffer.
i stand.
i stare.
i whisper.
i smile.
but i lie.
they are but lies.
nothing but lies.
i lie
that i stand
for i am down
on my knees.
that i stare
for my heart couldn’t see.
that i whisper
for i am screaming
deep inside.
that i smile
for i am shattered
with tears.
but you do not know.
you don not see.
me.
can you?
can you see me?
down and
blind
and
screaming
and shattered
into pieces.
a thousand
a million
a billion
pieces
of me
are shattered.
but you couldn’t see.
me.
here.
away from you.
i am away from you.
so you could live
without knowing
me.
without knowing
my tears
my whispers
my pieces
you don’t know of.
you will never know.
you don’t have to
know
that here
where i am
far away
from you
there is me
looking at
thinking of
feeling for
…you.
