numb
(Dreaming with a Broken Heart, by John Mayer playing)
They say it’s better to love and get hurt, than to never have loved at all.
But when you try to love too many times and get hurt too much, you tend to get numb.
I should know, because feelings are starting to leave me.
Scary, actually.
To fear loving. To not hope and stop trying.
To not want to go down that path ever again,
and just stay right where I am.
Because where I am now, I have no one but me.
Each time I try and fail, it hurts lesser and lesser.
They say it’s because it only makes me stronger, but in as much as it makes me more resolved, it also makes me less concerned.
Less human.
Less of who I am.
I will not trade strength for my emotions.
I shall not end up cold.
That’s why I would rather keep on believing that someday, I’ll wake up feeling genuine love in my heart for the very first time, and find someone wrapped in my arms, as sunlight peers through my window at daybreak.
I know, I will have to try a couple more times, and take a fall one after another.
So be it.
Perhaps, when I’ve bled enough and can take no more, someone will finally catch me when I fall.
