…back to you

{"Everything", by Lifehouse playing)

It struck me when you said it’s healthy to cry - even for a man - every once in a while. It sounded silly in a way, sitting there in front of you hearing it for myself.

To cry. I so wanted to cry… for weeks… but all I was able to do was smile.

I know I’ve said this once and again, but for whatever it’s worth, I’d like to tell you again how much I appreciate you coming into my life.

You know I’m glad to have met you.

But what you do not know is that there were tears I kept from falling, saving them for that one night when I could finally break down and shatter, sinking my head onto my pillows and letting go of every drop of tear I held on to since I met you. I couldn’t cry then, because I was decided to hold on steadfast to whatever little hope you gave me, whatever little promise you provided me when you said I was special to you…

I’d hate saying this, but the happiness you brought me came with this immense pain I didn’t know I could or would feel in my lifetime.

I never felt so happy, but I never felt as hurt either.

I never felt so insecure. I never felt so afraid. I never felt so unnoticed and unimportant and downright unwanted.

*one drop of tear falls*

All because I fell in love with you. (You and your childlike demeanor and your pastries and your long lashes and you singing and your dancing to me…)

That was what made me want to cry. That was the cause of all the tears my eyes refused to shed whenever I looked at the beauty of you, fixated on the beauty of you, mesmerized at the beauty of you…

Funny. All this time, all I wanted is someone who could make me stay, but when I met you and I finally decided to do so, why did things led me the other way?

Call me pathetic. You made me grow weak.

Call me selfish. I can’t get enough of you.

Call me crazy. Love knows no reason…

You have already danced with me.

You have already made me stay.

That is why I stood here, for a very long time. All I wanted was for you to see me.

…Did you you see me?

*more tears start falling*

…or was I just standing here waiting for the day you’d finally take me, without any assurance that that day’s actually there waiting somewhere ahead of us?

Was I standing here alone, waiting for nothing?

All I was asking was, "Where are we headed?"

I hope you let me know.

Was it too much to ask? Did I ask too soon?

*several more teardrops running down my face*

You tell me that you were happy with me ..and I couldn’t appreciate it any greater, ‘coz everyday that’s what I hoped for.

But… what if you’ll be happy no more? What if I fail to bring a smile to your face? What if someone else comes along who’d give you more happiness that what you get from being with me?

I guess happiness doesn’t answer it all… Not when you’re happy but not in love.

…So, I guess this is it…

*can’t help it, my tears start welling out…*

It’s time for me to leave.

*the tears never stop running*

It’s time for me to finally accept the haunting fact that no matter how much I try, no matter how much I hope for it, I won’t be the one you’ll need.

*pillows… such comforting pillows… soaked with tears*

…Sad, I won’t be able to kiss you even for the last time . I’ll just have to start mourning the early death of my first love without any memory of your sweet kiss.

But I’ll bid you goodbye with all hopes that you may meet the one to whom you’ll give the love you couldn’t give me…

*sad smile*

I’m not sure if this is a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life, letting go of someone that could be the only one I’d really care for.

But for whatever it’s worth…

I may have been the one who let go…

But I wasn’t the one who couldn’t say "I love you".

I wasn’t the one who didn’t feel that way…

*…last teardrop falls*

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You’re everything

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

You calm the storm
And You give me rest
You hold me in your hand
You won’t let me fall

You still my heart
And You take my breath away
Would You take me in?
Take me deeper now

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

‘Cause You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything
Everything

‘Cause You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything
Everything

‘Cause You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything
Everything

‘Cause You’re all I want
You’re all I need
Everything
Everything

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

And how can I stand here with You
And not be moved by You?
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this?